So, I like to name my blogs based on song titles usually because I love music and suck at titling things. However, this post is going to be a random thoughts popping into my head because there are equally random emotions swirling around in there as well. Now do I start on a good note, or end it there? Decisions decisions…
I guess good since I have a lot of pent up anger from the last few weeks still swirling around in my mind and want to rant about that more, so might as well get the good out of the way (I know, so pessimistic). Soooo, the good: I got a book called The Writer’s Lab: A Place to Experiment With Fiction written by Sexton Burke. It’s a book that gives you different creative writing prompts and lets you, as the title suggests, play with fiction. It sounds like a fun book, and hopefully it can get me posting some interesting stories or ideas on here too. He had another book too about adventures with fiction writing that sounds really interesting so I’ll hopefully get that if I can get myself to do each prompt in the book I have now. Wish me luck!
On to the not so fun stuff. I went on a trip with some friends which was fun but it also sucked in some ways. One, we were going to go to an attraction (The House on the Rock) on the way to our destination, which would cost us money. I had just finished reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman where the characters visit the house. I was super excited to see it all because of this and to imagine I was walking with the characters in his novel.
So I asked everyone multiple times before we left if the $28.50 was OK with them to spend to see the entire house. But when we got there everyone threw me for a loop and suddenly said that they didn’t want to spend all that money. I was utterly shocked and hurt and on top of me not having a lot of sleep that morning, quite emotional. I told them that I wanted to see it all and they kept insisting that we stay together and only see one part, as they asked me which part I wanted to see. I really wanted to blurt out “Whatever place you guys won’t be seeing”. That sounds bitchy, but I was truly hurt, felt ganged up on, and just wanted to be alone when the tears welled up inside me.
I eventually asked the woman working there what the best section was because I didn’t want to talk to my friends and if they insisted just one, I didn’t want them to choose for me. So I chose section 2 (which was amazing—if you know about the house, it had the giant whale and the carousel). My friends had settled on a different section but hadn’t bought their tickets yet. I was about to burst into tears, so I just told the lady that I’ll go with what she said and go through section two. But then my friends changed their minds to number 2 because they didn’t want to separate even though a few minutes prior, they’d discussed separating. However, they didn’t come graciously. I definitely saw a few annoyed looks pass between them and saw one in particular role her eyes, which made me feel even more like shit. So I called my sister, and the minute she picked up, tears just started falling.
Now, we only talked for a minute or so because my friends had gotten their tickets and were moving on. It also started to rain–coincidence? I think not. But either they completely ignored my tears or were very unobservant because they flowed for a bit.
The lovely day didn’t end there either. (Oh and I started the morning off with just a “lovely” text from my stepdad who was pissed off about me “taking” my mom’s phone charger, even though she could use his and I had asked her permission). But any-who, we eventually got to our destination, ultimately to find out we were late (it was a concert). And who was on stage? My favorite band. I rushed for the ticket counter but people were taking a while and I ended up missing three songs as my friends got pissed off at me for not waiting for every single one of them. Now, I was kind of annoying here I admit, but they would have done the same for their favorites. So I got happy because I could just absorb the music and forget my troubles (c’mon get happpyyy—House anyone? great episode).
That didn’t last much longer than the actual band’s set though! Yaaaay. Me and three friends went to get some water and to go to the bathroom during the setup time of the next band. So we went to the concessions area where two people broke off saying they were going to get a drink. Fine, whatever, stay in pairs. But then the third friend said, pointing at the bathroom, “There’s the bathroom, I’m going to go get a drink, meet me up by our spot.” And before I could even respond, she scampered away. The same friend who earlier had said that another of our friends shouldn’t go off on her own. Irony.
I called my mom during this time because who doesn’t need some loving mommy support during a day from hell that was supposed to be awesome? She was pretty upset, but I got to vent and tear up by complete strangers as she reassured me and calmed me down. I was fine until I returned to our spot and none of my friends even turned to see me back there. Immediately the tears began rolling. Side note: I am an emotional person, sure, but I had had a shitty day and they were being hurtful. Also no, I did not have my period when this went down just so you know.
Two eventually asked me if I was ok after I’m assuming they saw me whipping my eyes for the billionth time or the deep breathing or the lights bouncing off of my tear-filled eyes. But ultimately I just let it go so as not to ruin the rest of the trip. Clearly keeping everything in has not been working and I’ve started to boil over-hence the blog. Probably also helps that just before this I was watching Bridget Jones…
So, there was more trouble in the next couple of days but none dealing directly with me or issues between me and my friends. But what sparked me to write this actually happened tonight so I thought, “Eh, what the hell, rant time.”
I had told my friends of a theater nearby that has 5 dollar movie nights and really nice seats. The movie we wanted to see, or so I thought (again) was The Purge. We had all gone to see the first one together and had fun pointing out the flaws and laughing at each other jumping. Now I thought going to the movie in a nice theater with cheap tickets would be fun and my friend had suggested we go on the Fourth of July when she had thought it came out, but I guess I was wrong because she baileddddd. Yep. I was informed that she was the one who didn’t want to see it that badly. Huh, it’s like this happened to me a few weeks ago…oh wait, it did. Instead,she’s going to have herself a merry little bonfire. But honestly, after all this shit, I don’t really want to go and be around friends while wearing a fake smile.
I guess I’m just done being pushed around and walked all over by people who are supposed to care and be friends. So this blog may seem like it’s out of anger, which it is, but it’s mostly out of hurt and my being tired of everything that they’ve been stringing me through the past couple of days. Anyways, if you have questions or comments….leave a comment! YAY! Also, I don’t really want to reread this because it wasn’t that fun to write soooo ignore the errors if you see them because I didn’t edit! Shhhhhh………